Cuddle Weather

It's that season again. Except down here where I live the weather is about as bi-curious as a student wavering between an architecture degree or an industrial design major. Mother nature seriously needs to stop taking weather advice from Katy Perry.

Despite all this, no amount of fluctuating temperature can keep me from getting into the spirit. Holidays just plain awesome. Even though my group of people are celebrating small this year, the cheer of Christmas is up in the air. I only have a handful of people to shop for and yet I'm busting my ass, racking up the mileage going store to store looking for presents and pretty trimmings. Not to mention trying to find time to watch the AWESOME community and glee Christmas episodes this year.

However, each season I'm reminded of something. I'm always missing a "cuddle buddy." Now, Willis is soft n' sezzy and all, but I'm going to need more than a BLOOOOBER pancake to keep me warm. I'm talking about a boyfriend. A living breathing human. I've had my share of relationships in the past, but I always seem to break if off before the holidays hit. I really have no idea why, maybe is a psychological thing (Ima need to seek some proffy help on this.) Maybe its because I don't want to get an extra person a gift haha. It's just curious to me why this trend as occurred. I think I'm more hung up on the fact that there is a trend, not because I'm currently single. High five Ne-Yo!

Burn.

My best friend got a tumblr. We are no longer friends xD

10 Songs or Something...

My itouch died a month ago but I've always wanted to do this sort of blog where you shuffle through your music and list which ever song appears for that numbers "theme." Well since I don't have a theme or an ipod, I'm basing this loosely on Kate's blog. I'll read what she put down as a number and I'll put down the first song I think of or even use her song. Here goes nothing O:

1. See You Again by Miley Cyrus
Ahhh, the good times of high school dances. You can't get that anymore in college, well unless you go to a club. Yah.. not happening soon. I remember we were on the second floor of Ocean Palace and this song played. The whole mob of Fine Arts students jumping all in sync with Miley's hook, "The last time I freaked out..." I'm surprised the floor didn't cave in. They did ask us to stop jumping though. Just in case.

2. Good Girl Gone by Mika
"Hey you! What's a good girl like you, doin in this crazy world?"
Mika always reminds me of Waffle, regardless of the song. I listened to this song a whole lot when I was working for my aunt in the jewelry store. I was in a pretty bad place. I just kept thinking to myself, man, how did you land yourself here Exit? This crazy world of work and no play. I was working so I could afford college, and now that I've exhausted my funds, I guess I should go back to listening to this song haha

3. Fairy Tale aka Tong Hua by Michael Wong aka Guang Liang
This song made me cry, not only the first time I heard and watched the video, but the second and even the third time. I was so emotionally moved by this song that I memorized all the lyrics, despite it being in a language I didn't speak. I remember singing it to a friend and she was like, wow you even got the accents right. Even though it's been five years, I still remember the lyrics and even listening to it now, I still feel it trying to pull emotions from me. Everyone wants to have a fairytale love.

4. Fan by Epik High
As far as analyzing songs go, I spent a shitload of time trying to find a deeper meaning in the lyrics and video of this song. I love Epik High so much for this reason, they don't halfass their songs. Everything gets treated with so much care and precision. I just love their attention to detail. The song itself is about a fan who gets obsessed over this star and kidnaps him. And well... watch the video if you want to know how the rest goes down. There's now descriptions from what Epik High fans have put together, but when I first found out about Epik High, there was no fanbase. I was the fanbase.

5. Bet On It by Zac Efron
Honestly, High School Musical shouldn't have made a sequel. I felt like they were just throwing something together so they could get money off the masses. However, I do slightly like this song. It gets you really hyped up and you wanna get up and show someone you mean business. Yah man! You can bet on it, bet on it~

6. Heffalumps and Woozles by Winnie the Pooh
This song scared the shit outta me when I was a kid. It was just so trippy. I mean I love the movie, but I always had to fast-forward through this part. The bad storm plus a mixture of Rabbit's adventure through the forest that made me not want to watch the movie again until I was older. I always thought the Heffalumps were going to come into my house through the cracks and doors and steal my parents and belongings. After all, they guzzle up the things you prize. Pooh totally had an out of body experience.  Must have been something in that "hunny."

7. Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers
I still remember that night I was at your house and I played Rock Band for the first time. Damn, I was bad. Still am haha. But after these five years, I've come to associate this song with you. I've memorized all the lyrics and I'm quite proud of myself for doing so. Thank you for introducing me to the world of music. I don't think I've ever listened to music so religiously until you forced me to get in touch with my rock star side. It's funny cause to this day, I still have no idea what point they're trying to get across. But nonetheless, I still love jammin to this song.

8. Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
Even though I was introduced to Lady Gaga through Waffle, I associate her to Anthony. I have no idea how that even works. Maybe it's cause you both have a dangerously high level of insanity radiating from you. Though I might be tired of hearing her on the radio, I still miss you lots and it wouldn't hurt if you called once in awhile. It'd be nice to hear your voice again.

9. When You Were Young by The Killers
Another Rock Band song that I've come to love. Whenever I listen to this song, my mind creates this scene of a huge ballroom, and alone in the corner is this girl all dolled up staring at the floor when all of a sudden, she sees I'm now watching the video and it's nothing like that, but it'll take more than their video to crush my fantasy.

10. Life is Like a Boat by Rie Fu
This is, I think, one of the best ending songs ever. I remember watching Bleach on Youtube during a time when you could post twenty-five minute videos. I would listen to this ending song while waiting for the next video to load. Those were the good days of anime viewing. This song is beautifully sang. It's a powerful combination between english (not engrish, thank god) and japanese. I used to feel like no one knew who I really was. I felt empty, but now I know that if I ever need someone to come along, I know you would follow me and keep me strong.

This isn't awkward at all.

So... I have this habit. Something I'm not too proud to admit, but if someone can admit they have a problem with biting their nails, then I can admit to this addiction. I have this habit of chewing on the inside of my lips and cheeks. It's not necessarily like chewing gum, nothing too drastic that will cause bleeding. It's more like constant nipping at the very top layer of my skin. I'll nip small bits off and pretty soon, a good thin layer is missing from my skin. Sometimes a weird layer of skin will form underneath my tongue. Not on my tongue, but the area underneath it. I'll use my tongue to get into that crevice and scrap all that skin out. I've gotten so skilled at it that I know just the right about of skin to sever off so I don't bleed. Occasionally, I do go too far where it starts to hurt, but I never ever draw blood. I'm creating this wound, this cut, on the inside of my lip. Naturally, the next day, due to my awesome healing powers, it's somewhat patched over with a new thin layer of skin. And what do I do? Yup, you guessed it. Chew that off too.

I have no idea where this habit came from or why I do it. I guess it's just something to occupy my brain as I go through the day. It's probably some form of OCD manifesting itself in disguise of a habit, cause when I start to chew at my lip, I gotta make sure I get every little piece. For my lips and cheeks, I'll stop chewing when it feels all "smoothed" out. For my tongue, I don't stop until I scrape every little piece out. In order to do this, I find myself jamming my thumb into the side of my mouth to get a better angle to chew. It's quite unsightly. I know a few of you have seen me do this and have questioned what the hell was wrong with me. I often look like I'm spacing out when I do this. Now you know it's just my mind focusing too hard on trying to get that last bit of skin off. There's really nothing going on in there.

As I mentioned, I do this to occupy my mind, which means I'm almost always doing it during lectures. In my Intro to Architecture lecture, I was intensely engrossed in licking out that layer of skin underneath my tongue that I didn't even notice that this guy was staring at me from couple seats over. Here i am with my fingers all poking at my mouth trying to chew my skin, and this guy is staring at me. It left me feeling quite vulnerable, but instead of ignoring his gaze, I match it, locking eyes with him. And that's when we both knew that the game had started.

Our eyes were locked in a deadly battle, where the loser bore shame and the victor had really watery red eyes. I swear a minute had passed both of us refused to budge. Most epic staring contest ever.

I was victorious.

Lets keep this professional.

Today, we had a group project due. We're supposed to capture the essence and atmosphere of the place we picked. My team members were Bones, Sergio, and Kevin. Kevin had provided the group with ideas that could work, but often interrupted me. Not only did he interrupt, but he would not even let me speak after he was finished. I sensed then that this group project would have a bumpy road ahead.

We did the Rice Quadrangle. Kevin's idea was to create this panoramic view of the whole area. We all jumped at the idea and thought it would be amazing if this could be one long collage. Since it was his idea, I decided that it was best to let him do it. He agreed, saying he had this passion for photography. Bones and Sergio were to do the map and the center of the Quadrangle. They bounced ideas off each other and created an interesting composition. I was in charge of the rest. I did the relief, several paintings, and even a newspaper collage. I did each to the best of my ability. None were halfassed and I did them several days before the group project was even due. I felt as if I had to do the most work. I felt like it wasn't fair that everyone else in my group was only doing one thing to contribute and I had to pick up the slack. But I knew I could handle more responsibility.

When I was finished with my part, I went to see how my other group members were fairing. I did not like what I saw at Kevin's desk. It did technically fall under the collage requirements, but the whole effect of the thing was sub par. It was just the same picture layered on top of each other over and over in a line. Nothing dynamic about it. I told him to redo it. He refused. This is when my fuse lit.

When we were in the planning stage, we all agreed on how the collage would look. We were should Kevin examples of what a successful one would look like, but Kevin's wasn't even close to what we were supposed to imitate. It looked lazy. Down right mediocre. I refused to have my name associated with that kind of work. Even my other group members told him that it was bad. After repeating what I wanted him to do several times, he finally gave in and told me he'd redo it. Complete with attitude of course.

This morning, I come in to find that both Bones' and Sergio's work had been done but Kevin was nowhere in sight. He had done nothing over the weekend. Nothing. He showed me the same collage that he was supposed to redo. He didn't take any of my advice into consideration. I was so pissed off that I went ahead and created my own collage. In a mere 5 mins, I had a masterpiece, which made me question why the fuck it took Kevin a whole week to produce bullshit. I attempted to redo his collage, but no avail. Too much damage had been done.

Kevin's collage was supposed to tie in our pieces, but he didn't live up to his boasting. His "passion" for photography obviously was some sort of lie to make himself appear to be cool. I made a huge mistake for assuming that passion equals to talent and skill. What really wounds me up is the fact that the only part Kevin had to do was the photos and he couldn't even do it correctly. At one point, I was like, this is my stuff, done. Where's yours? I then tell Kevin to go type up a paragraph, which is a requirement for the presentation. He comes back an hour later with a copy and paste paragraph consisting of different articles all talking about Rice. Nothing about the Quadrangle. I send him back to redo it two times before I was fed up and ended up typing out the whole thing myself. The dude can't even type a decent paragraph. Not only that, he can't even realize the crap that he had regurgitated. By then I already had lost any hope to salvage this project.

I wanted to punch him in the face. Rip his throat out and chop it up into tiny little pieces. I wanted to strangle him by dangling him from the second floor window by the neck. I can't even explain how absolutely frustrated I was with the final moments of this project. I was furious and frustrated to the point of tears. I had to put my name on that crap. The disappointment and shame that came with it was enough to taint my artistic name.

To top it all off, Kevin is a cheapskate. When we went to Rice and had to pay for 3 dollar parking, He offered to pay, but then asked for a dollar from each of us for compensation. I absolutely refused to give him money. My gas was enough. I should have left him there and forced him to walk. He even made us pay for the photo prints as well, again asking each one of us for a dollar. I'm happy to say that I didn't contribute a dime toward this bastard's fund. I tried really hard to keep it professional. But it's so frackin hard to counter his immature ass while maintaining my cool.

Why do I keep meeting douche-bags?

Lets do this thing.

Alright. Here goes. This is going to be my first attempt at what Kate calls "rants." I'm going to type nonstop, all my thoughts for about ten minutes or so and go back and edit the whole thing later. We'll see where that gets us. Man, I really hope I don't start and then abandon blogger like I did two years ago. I hope to use this blog religiously, like a diary, except I don't even own a diary. 

I realize my whole attitude to blogging was so self-conscience and almost conceited. Allow me to explain. I was always so worried what others might think if I wrote something horrible or off the wall, but really, a blog should just be an extention of myself. I was just so stuck on the idea that every word would define my character. And every word will, but now it's like, who cares what other people think? I used to think, I have to be this perfect being. But now I realize, I should just write and be comfortable spilling my thoughts.

It's like an online diary that happens to be displayed amongst the inter-webs. But in reality, who's gonna read this anyways? Who really is going to sit here and spend time to read my blog and pick away at my every flaw? And thats really why I haven't started to blog. I'm just so damn self-conscience and full of insecurities.

I decided to change my thinking, which let me find the will power to write this blog today. What I type on here will be my own business. Who ever happens to care enough to read it, be my guest. Unless you're some crazy stalker (if you are its all good, stalkers are cool, just not the crazy ones), I'm okay with the idea that someone, somewhere, might be reading my innermost vunerable thoughts. Because, hey, at least someone cares enough.

And to the one person that's still reading this, I hope to tell the story of my life on this blog. None of it will be in chronological order. I'll blog whenever a memory or flashback hits. It's kind of my way to record my life, and maybe explain some events I share with others from my point of view. I hope you're looking forward to putting the pieces together. I know I'm ready.

First Post [sorta]

well... i've cracked. gave into all that peer pressure D: But blogger is pretty fun to use, although i'm still trying to figure everything out. Seems just like xanga. why didnt we just keep that? =/
Although i'm blogging now, i'm pretty sure ima forget or stop using this site sooner or later. As of now, it's just a means of commenting other people's blogspots. Hopefully i'll write a real blog in here one day. Until then, i'll be on aim. =]